What are you targetting the rootcause or in hand problem

This was a revelation for me also. While traveling to Sweden on my own using public transport. I realized woman were more open about their sexuality than you can imagine in a cold country . I have been to Europe ,they were much bolder than females  back in my country but the way I saw it in Sweden was different on altogether different level.

I saw a girl peeing on road and no car stopped to sneak peak her private parts . That led to discussion with a local Indian friend of mine who was staying there for few months now .Gisting the discussion with them I realized in Sweden if as a guy you get excited to see a woman's part is your problem not girl's. If you touch a girl and she isn't comfortable like one you get when bus hits the brake also , she has every right to call it a rape and you can put behind the bars. Forget about leeching eyes ,singing songs when a woman walks the street.

That was as woman also staying in Europe also a shock , I knew without consent is a rape but just a hand on shoulder and she isn't comfortable can be called as rape was different level. I kind of felt safe ,safe , I can't even tell you . Then it stuck me who decided that parameters here or there . Was it the women ?? If so, why so different approach in 2 different continents . May be whatever you accept becomes a norm. When you challenge that norm , atleast you are telling that world of even it's norm I will not take it ,and I am above the standard mentioned by you or any person. You earn that standard but just one request it should be done in dignified way so that there is no blame game . But after that trip I started to wear what I wanted to wear not  what world wants me to wear but I saw series of men who gave me that faith if they can't control themselves seeing me it's their problem not mine. Having said that we have to be judicious that we don't hit our head in wall.  Because in Europe also in one customer location along with few Desi Bhai behen , I was everyday searched from top to bottom and anything western apart from denim became my problem.I changed the way I dressed trying to fit and be accepted  and stopped feeling myself , for people it was just a dress but to me, it was part of my soul how I carry myself ,  it was my identity & I felt lost among those people , I couldn't connect with the crowd emotionally , mentally . End result, I understood the lyrics of the song Wake Me Up from Avicii. 

Same is the case with rape prevention mechanism in India these days . Woman are told that they shouldn't move out after certain time , the dress they need to wear , one minister going to an extent calling eating chowein for woman is the issue. If I hadn't been to Sweden with open mind I would have believed rape is a problem of girls . No it's the men who need coaching , counselling, stop repressing the woman. Even if we stay within a bathroom and four walls of home , someone will leech us in the bathroom also .In short whatever restrictions you can put in you can put but problem will not be solved . What happens when you have a bodycream on a dry skin while real reason is thyroid. Without treating thyroid we will keep on putting number of creams but problem will still persist . May be we will worried for hairfall in few days not just dry skin and all exterior treatment will not help much.

Is it time we ask our men to be more sensitive to woman's need ? Is it time we stop asking men to putting facade on their face ? Is it time we let men to show their empathetic side . Is it time we stop asking women to hide behind the 12 inch yard while showing navel while crop top isn't culture ? Is it time we let women be women ? If rapes are happening in night , then is it time we stop men to go in late ? We should hit  and fix at the predator rather than prey .Is it time feminine side of men should be promoted , encouraged and appreciated for rather than being lashed out ? Is it time we make all females more self -reliant ? Is it time we balance the yin and yan energies in the world ?

"Thappad" ,Slap to All Spineless and Low Self Esteem people

Taapsee Pannu’s Thappad,Slap, trailer made me think it’s not the story of some women but of every women in India or around the world.  For those of you who don't know hindi Thappad translation is slap. Where she feels violated with the slap she receives from the man she loves. When she stands for her rights and her respect and what she faces isn’t what you would expect from her family? First thing her own mother says “Bus yahi dikhna bakki reh gaya tha ki beta ka divorce hoga” for those who don’t understand Hindi is “It was the last thing she could imagine in the world she would  see her daughter getting divorce “. So , what options does any normal female has it – to stuck to  a marriage where she is violated and sticking to man whom she doesn’t love for society’s stake. Because her own mother doesn’t have strength to bear the series of the questions society will put on them.

 May be she will stick for her emotional attachment for her mother with this guy and each second she will only get more scared  because this guy can hurt her more physically in the name of love and spur of the heated moment. Medically you call this Anger issues and should be put behind bars or through psychological treatment but nothing happens to the guy. He is shown putting more pressure on the girl through friends and family . Next she is shown giving answer to series of absurd questions from females, law abiding officials and Knowingly or unknowingly the friend even who in the name of supporting her. It’s her journey of breaking down and realizing she alone has to face others and find strength somewhere within.

Thappad is the every word I have been wanting to say after seeing the journey of so many close females , conversation I myself have gone through making some of them understand. I am not going to quote any names and don’t ask in personal interactions with me also.

Before blaming how one nurturer who was meant to be your strength becomes your biggest villain in this transit society

Way back when human race was formed. Men was more powerful in strength and things were uncertain in the animal kingdom they took the role of the hunter. Man hunted any animal for their survival. Man needed female to procreate that’s why we as a breed are alive otherwise we would have been. Since man and female had to co-exist and were so opposite that they married to co-exist in the society, man took the role of provider while female took the role of nurturer to bind things together. So with generations to generations it has been passed on from generations to generations we as females have to adjust else we can beat our opponent through physical force. For people to protect themselves and keep the society bind it was very much required science had progressed and they have seen or heard stories of villages or community to be destroyed when either man or either woman don’t stick together through unknown diseases. As our society progressed and industrialization took place, we no longer needed man to do labourise work which gave some opportunity to the female to enter the workforce. Some women paved path for other females to join them while every dynamic in workplace was made for man to work. With strength of female in the workplace, people started to realize the progressive way of using the true strength of nurturer side of the females and many fellow female to could join. This was done at the expense of the overstretching of the females to balance both or leaving one for another for long. Because man may say that they are progressive but when it comes to make a compromise for the family it is the female who was taking toll. This makes financial sense also because the set up of the marriage in most countries is man is normally elder and has no additional responsibility to play can anytime is earning more .This also continued for a generation but somewhere with more payscale ,more opportunity, more science and more awareness , may females formed strength in each other , initial setup no longer is required. So now woman is both the nurturer and provider also. She sometimes have lost the nurturing part of herself but society is such that provider side is prominent. With all the juggling of everything alone. Family setup of man and woman coming together to procreate was right but with max burden on the woman, she has started to ask for more from the other party. She is looking for a man who is companion not a cargo to carry on her shoulder while she knows she can fly well without baggage. She has started to question the norms in the society but what about the man. I have known more nurturer than females but some stubborn providers who don’t understand who say they have sacrificed for the family in earning for family are taken aback now which the questions he was not made ready by another nurturer. How will the woman of 80 years change now or even woman half her change  now ? For 80 years old to change  she has to be open minded which in hierarchical society is tough. These low self esteem provider when questioned have the max anger challenges and when nurturer is not ready to adjust after some years of giving to the provider .Even if she is adjusting in the name of her parents once they are gone so is the bond’s name

This is the time for men to be surprised when men who were asking women to take back step realize that their kids don’t need them , their wives don’t need them anymore and some strong people have realized instead of slow death while living with people who are not good for her emotional and mental health they can divorce . Peace is more important in world than a partner next to you 

Is the time man are getting slapped ?

Or

Is the time woman are realizing where they were violated ?

Or

Is the time woman are realizing where they have always known but kept quiet to fit in the society?

Or

Is the time man will change ?

What happens in this transit time of Thappad? Will man grow with pace woman are growing or we become dysfunctional for some time 

P.S. I am not man hater but not raising your voice when you are violated be it man or woman I can’t stand. I am writing more from woman’s side because its easy for them to tell their stories to me and I can make logical judgement and understanding the bigger bigger picture