Be Stylish Be Classy Yet Authentic

After writing some heavy blogs , I wanted to keep this week light , easy and breezy but with meat to ponder upon. This idea came up after I had posted few pictures some on whatsapp , some on instagram and with every comment I had received compliment that I have always maintained the grace irrespective of the dress I had worn and some asked how do I maintain that. First of all ,Thanks for the compliments everyone and I will like to pass some of the credit to my grandmom , she taught me most of my dressing style. She was the most stylish and graceful lady I have ever met , I can be 10% baised towards her :-). For me style is the extension of my thoughts which I believe in or resonate with. If after 20 years you see yourself in any dress and you have hide then that's not stylish in my definition.

First rule of the thumb, Wear what you like not what  trend people are following or  market is oozing about .Make your own trend, Be you , this will not only makes you stand out from the crowd but also help you in all front of life because you are wearing what you love and there is unsaid happiness in it and it will be shown in your behaviour while interacting with people around you.

In my own cousin's wedding I wore the gown which when I had my first trial made me feel like princess and was just made for me . End result, I was happy and was on top of the world and pictures reflect that ... I was even questioned by my near and dear ones for that  and was given suggestion to wear a lehenga .I choose the dress because that was the authentic me and I was happy being me , Shred the voices around you and learn to hear your inner voice , trust me you will sleep better and enjoy the moment

Second rule of thumb, whatever you wear, you should be comfortable in your skin. The test I do is if I have to walk in that room and if my father or grandmom is there whether he or she  would be comfortable to see me . That person could be  anybody you respect. It's not about the full length or cut sleeves or anything you wear but how you carry that dress. If you are not comfortable in the dress it will show in some form

I had once travelled to Norway with white theme in my mind , I had worn white offshoulder dress. Those pics are the best pics of mine because I was comfortable , even for shoes I could have worn high heels but for me comfort was important so I wore the red sneakers and carried with panache.If somebody would have asked me to hike that day I could have done . I had gone to travel so walking comfortably yet looking elegant was my ask and I owned that look. Picture will speak louder about it.

If I have to put philosphical , there is a very thin line between bikni and lingerie , never forgot that difference

Third rule of thumb , never wear anything which doesn't add to your charm . Be it the cloth fabric you select or the colour you choose . Everything has to be authentic and charming to that level. Any colour dress which is not comfortable to you , you will not be able to wear why bother others with rude mood  just because you are not comfortable. Each dress you wear should bring out the signature of who you are.
Like I am not comfortable with leopard print at this stage and nobody ever saw me wearing it in last 2-3 years. I have a more affinity towards pink and a lot get reflected with ease I carry shades of pink . Wear the colour that makes you feel more vibrant and energized . Choose and own it.

Fourth rule , dress has to fit on you , like it was meant for you . If the fitting of the dress isn't right , there is something missing and you will give away in your expression so be you. I had my days also where I had worn something which was either too tight or too loose and that reflected in my body language ... So now just dress to kill

Fifth rule , wear the attire as per the place. When in rome do as roman do.  This is important because you want to stand out of the crowd with your signature style but you don't want to look out of the place. Like I never wear offshoulder dress or party dresses to office . I am not into modeling industry. In India , I always try to wear  min. calf length dresses. It's nothing wrong in wearing short dresses but just that people around are not ready to see me in that avatar in person and I don't mind wearing denim with long kurtis for my safety :-)

Lastly , I don't add mulitiple things in one look and try to use the basic theme to enhance the overall look. Normally my dresses will be in one basic colour or some very basic embroidery or simple cuts or  some light flowery prints to blend with my skin texture .Dress I wear should enhance me not other way round. Too much of anything will make it look cluttered and that's not who I am . I get put off after looking at heavy worked suit, dresses. If I have one theme , I try to accessorize minimal and suit that theme . Minimisalism is the motto that works for me. Classy is my mantra and I want to carry it thoughout my life

Hope these tips were worth reading for you also . It was fun for me to revisit my own picture and define my style

Everywhere you go add a little sparkle of who you are and enjoy the magicland being created

Unbreak the Feminist facade

The idea of this blog came from the very comment from one of my dear friend whom I value a lot. This made me realize writing has its own cons that without example taciturn writing can lead to miscommunication. To avoid being heard incorrectly for my thoughts. I am choosing on write on what feminism, true essence of being feminist is and why many dread the word now

So what is Feminism? Feminism is nothing but a movement that helped woman have equal rights and opportunities as men. It is all about leveling up the playing field for the genders to have fair and square game. Therefore, does that mean are man and woman same? No but it just means if I want to a fighter and I should not be said I cannot because I have different set of genitals.

If this was so simple, why is that woman now days run away from being called feminist? I myself was shying away to attach the word feminism in this article. Somehow, somebody has to bring the elephant in the room and the most dreaded woman. Irony of the situation is the feminism relates to the masculinity. The job where personalities of being strong , vocal and assertive like CEO of the fortune 500 companies, Engineer etc are considered to be feminist. If the goal of feminist is to be accepted in the roles earlier played by, men then I will be sorry to say we are falling in the trap of patriarchy. The idea of feminism is to give due to respect to each woman’s knowledge, strength and experiences and embrace it well. A woman who is wearing pink dress orchestrating a board meeting can be as feminist as a woman wearing a black saree in confines of her home. It about her choice and not to be judged by other people but at that same time it should not be about bra burning. It shouldn’t be hating any gender or any person based on their choices but about embracing, respecting each other . So next time  when you see a woman consider her to as feminist as a  woman wearing saree living creating home with her presence or a single mother or spinster or woman embracing home , business with ease and choice .

And as woman based on my experience, if we are fighting the war of who is better please God we have already lost it. Each one of us bring their own uniqueness to make this universe a better place. So when we have limited time in the world let’s choose our battle wisely. World can exist only with balance of yin and yang energies. If we strive to be the best we should use of our feminine qualities alongwith embracing the business acumen. 

And one last thing , as nail in coffin , I have met more men to be feminist than woman so feminism is not gender based but a thought that everybody deserves the opportunity based on their skills and merit

Who do you want to be ? A strong Woman !!!

While thinking for what I could write for my fellow female travellers on this journey today. What topic to pick , I came across the quote " A woman is like a tea bag—you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water." —Eleanor Roosevelt.

It triggerred my chain of  thought why we call woman strong even though we can also see woman being fragile and docile . If a woman hasn't learnt the art of self defense she can't withstand in the fight with a man , then why are we called as strong ? May be because we have the capacity to nurture a baby and carry them for 9 months . So strength is nothing but quality of being strong . Power to resist force . By this logic all the woman are strong since almost all woman have been harmed , exploited or mistreated by men to an extent be it any part of the world while still maintaining the general loving view towards life and people around her . Nuturer in most of the woman is still alive.

But when pages of history will be reopened we will few names written in bold as the woman of strength . let's explore some names here and see what made them so unique that their names got engraved with gold. With woman known as strong but in different genre. On one hand we have  Joan of Arc who was a fighter, soldier and a noble woman  and on another hand we have Marilyn Monroe who was the face of epitome of beauty and fantised by all men . If the fantsy was the end result why don't we know about Lady Godiva . Wait before you say who is she ? She was the one who when provoked by her husband that he will only listen to her when she walks on streets of town naked  and did so. She has also shown the courage to do so that in way back twelfth century. Way before Marilyn did so and list her name never appears in the list of strong women. So when we  talk about strength , people don't see and talk strength in average. So when we see lot of skin show in today's world this is not the mark of the strong woman but it's way more than what meets the eyes. 

It is more of the inner strength and not be compared with men because have different scenarios to deal with and have different needs also . Strong woman builds , supports , love and care . A strong woman is one who is able to reflect on life , guide and protect 

With this definition I hope we all choose to  be strong woman who support and build each other even scratch each other's back if required but never to snatch the crown from other person.

"A strong woman understands that the gifts such as logic, decisiveness, and strength are just as feminine as intuition and emotional connection. She values and uses all of her gifts." —Nancy Rathburn

Ways to ease anxiety with EFT

All of us have been struck by the Co-Vid 19 recently and it has recently put all of us in the uncertain times and uncertainity at its peak

I was one of them who was taken off gaurd and not knowing where future will take me now .

Strangely somebody from my friend circle introduced me to EFT .  It helped me calm during these times when I was alone so thought it might help you also so sharing it 

What is EFT ?

EFT is Emotional Freedom Technique to ease the pain from emotional and physical distress . As per EFT , negative energy is caused by distruption . It works on the merdian points to bring the balance back 

It let you to first acknowledge your problem and your feeling then helps you acknowledge it 

And accept yourself with it 

It lets you have the power in your hand . When you are struck by the panic this mehod will help

P.S.: if I get enough people interested I will do 15-20 min zoom call to calm your mind with right statements

Alone or Lonely

What do you define to be alone or lonely will change the way you see people around . Both are the adjectives to express the separation from the general population. On one hand Alone means to be a single person who is separate from others on the another hand lonely is one who is feeling sadness because of isolation or abandoment . What is more lonely when you are alone and happy or being with the legal partner and feeling lone because you have abnadoment . Without naming any of the female , I will give away their stories because its everyday norm and it could be your next door neighbour or the person whose pictures who adore on the Facebook every now and then .

How would you feel if you know you have to stick by the man who is going outside but is with you because of society pressure ? Would respect that person ? Will you be able to love that person ? I am no one to judge you but if your consciousness allows you then be it . You are your own truth .  But there are some females who demand 100% while giving 100% . Some people are not bonded by society but their inner truth.  I have asked females and males  What is marriage for them and why they want o marriage ? I have got some strange responses some want to do it for their parents and then when after intial excitment is over wait for their parents death to get over the burden but by then they would got the kids by that time . So they lie to themselves that is the truth of the world we live in . While some have said they wanted to procreate with their own genes seriously you bring something to world because you have strange desire while world is fighting with global warming and awarding people who don't procreate anymore !!! I have known people who are in marriage and their partners have cheated on them . Imagine even if they post lovely pictures for society's sake or to be believe their partner still love them and go to psychiatrist every week .Strangely on the surface layer whatever they have said because of society's pressure etc but everybody wants to be  with somebody for the fear of loneliness . You can't gaurantee any future for anybody what if that person dies in an accident , there are lot of whatifs .What is more harmful sticking to a marriage where you are emotional robbed each day and degraded for the things you are not meant to be because of personality but by gender you are imposed for or being alone trying to build the right relationship . If you have right what and why for the marriage please go ahead with person you want to else marriage can be burdensome to an extent you can never image. To get some moments of  peace I have seen such females to go outside and look for peace . You can understand this from the thappad movie where the lawyer herself is stuck in marriage and for few moments to be that butterfly and have  peace goes outside of home bound . if we don't stop at this stage where females have beared lot of diseases and gone outside the to seek freedom and peace ,the very institute of marriage will be seen broken soon . Marry someone when you are sure to be going through the journey together . The kind fof compromises the marriage asks for can't be done unless both people understand each other well and ready to be together. This can be imagined from the rockstar movie , there is a layer to nagris fakri which she is able to open in front of only ranbir kapoor . No other person could take that away the feeling he has for nagris from the ranbrir , no amount of physical intimacy could replace the bond nagris has with ranbir , the emotional support both used to get from each other. If we see the dream girl the theme of that movie is that a call center girl pooja is a dream girl of so many people because she understands everybody and talks to them in their language . We are selfish being ,No person wants to understand what the girl might be looking for ever they just know she is able to understand and try to grab that person . Understanding doesn't mean that you don't question the other person . There are women in this world who have said they will not compromise their peace of mind for society's pressure if they get their dream boy not physically but emotionally. Be it Alia Bhatt from Highway who fall for Randeep Hooda where she thinks his kidnapper has best intention for her than her own parents . Basic instinct in each human being is to be heard but if they don't get heard while staying together they feel more deserted . What do you want to choose today is your choice ? I have seen people who have been in wrong relationship to be jealous of the people who are single and have wit of stand of pressure of society. When people start to preach other people to be get married , my basic question is if you are in your happy state why preach people , why can't both state of people exist ? Why force people to go through what you have gone through ? I have seen people giving advice if marriage is uphill why don't you bring the child ? Sorry if there is a problem between 2 people how the hell on earth third person can bring them closer on any decision. All these advices just means let's keep our drawing room neat and clean while cupboard could be mess . For whose life are you living today. I have also seen the other spectrum of people who go on length to advise that men are not good . Trust me I have faith in marriage because I have seen nice men in my life who keep my faith in humanity alive first then relationship. Some of my best mentors in my life have been men . Don't bash men but look for just ways to express yourself without being judged . That's all we are looking for .Be it men be it women . we want to be loved at the end of the day in one form or another . Sometimes its okay to be a mess but never be lonely . Find out ways to keep yourself happy even if you are not in relationship , go for movies alone , go out have dinner dates wuth yourself , be the person you wanted to become . Love your unconditionally . Then be with the person who understand you and you understand them give each other the respect , trust and communication to be who you want to be . It's not only for the marraige , but in general for all the relationship you build give each person to be who they are with respect and love . if you build each relationship like that without any judgements you may be alone as per society but never lone .

Life will come easy to you when you know yourself well and then you bring the right people in your life rather than from the needy place . Happiness is the ultimate truth  why wait for another person to bring it to you . Learn to be happy irrespective of anyone and you will never be alone .What you choose today will define the state of your being tomorrow .  Choose what you want to create and world will meet your there . Choose your own right from the loving state and create your own story and see where this journey takes you . two synonym can mean so different but power of choice in your hand .

How to get best out of Quarantine period

Suddenly we have got so much time with ourselves or immediate family. What we can do in these times when there will be lot of time .I will just share how I am doing it . You can use it as example to utilise your time

• I have stopped reading the news on Co-19 
• I have started to use the 15 min in the start of the day with meditation or some positive group 
• 15 min of yoga using Down Dog many companies are giving the free subscription till June or July to stay mentally strong 
• Also I have tried to hone my skill be it drawing or the writing or whatever so that like language you wanted to pick up
• Lot of people are organizing webinar free of cost . I have joined few courses myself . So saturday and Sunday I am focused on cooking and joining free webinars apart from the things mentioned

Change your focus to change the result you get  

What are you targetting the rootcause or in hand problem

This was a revelation for me also. While traveling to Sweden on my own using public transport. I realized woman were more open about their sexuality than you can imagine in a cold country . I have been to Europe ,they were much bolder than females  back in my country but the way I saw it in Sweden was different on altogether different level.

I saw a girl peeing on road and no car stopped to sneak peak her private parts . That led to discussion with a local Indian friend of mine who was staying there for few months now .Gisting the discussion with them I realized in Sweden if as a guy you get excited to see a woman's part is your problem not girl's. If you touch a girl and she isn't comfortable like one you get when bus hits the brake also , she has every right to call it a rape and you can put behind the bars. Forget about leeching eyes ,singing songs when a woman walks the street.

That was as woman also staying in Europe also a shock , I knew without consent is a rape but just a hand on shoulder and she isn't comfortable can be called as rape was different level. I kind of felt safe ,safe , I can't even tell you . Then it stuck me who decided that parameters here or there . Was it the women ?? If so, why so different approach in 2 different continents . May be whatever you accept becomes a norm. When you challenge that norm , atleast you are telling that world of even it's norm I will not take it ,and I am above the standard mentioned by you or any person. You earn that standard but just one request it should be done in dignified way so that there is no blame game . But after that trip I started to wear what I wanted to wear not  what world wants me to wear but I saw series of men who gave me that faith if they can't control themselves seeing me it's their problem not mine. Having said that we have to be judicious that we don't hit our head in wall.  Because in Europe also in one customer location along with few Desi Bhai behen , I was everyday searched from top to bottom and anything western apart from denim became my problem.I changed the way I dressed trying to fit and be accepted  and stopped feeling myself , for people it was just a dress but to me, it was part of my soul how I carry myself ,  it was my identity & I felt lost among those people , I couldn't connect with the crowd emotionally , mentally . End result, I understood the lyrics of the song Wake Me Up from Avicii. 

Same is the case with rape prevention mechanism in India these days . Woman are told that they shouldn't move out after certain time , the dress they need to wear , one minister going to an extent calling eating chowein for woman is the issue. If I hadn't been to Sweden with open mind I would have believed rape is a problem of girls . No it's the men who need coaching , counselling, stop repressing the woman. Even if we stay within a bathroom and four walls of home , someone will leech us in the bathroom also .In short whatever restrictions you can put in you can put but problem will not be solved . What happens when you have a bodycream on a dry skin while real reason is thyroid. Without treating thyroid we will keep on putting number of creams but problem will still persist . May be we will worried for hairfall in few days not just dry skin and all exterior treatment will not help much.

Is it time we ask our men to be more sensitive to woman's need ? Is it time we stop asking men to putting facade on their face ? Is it time we let men to show their empathetic side . Is it time we stop asking women to hide behind the 12 inch yard while showing navel while crop top isn't culture ? Is it time we let women be women ? If rapes are happening in night , then is it time we stop men to go in late ? We should hit  and fix at the predator rather than prey .Is it time feminine side of men should be promoted , encouraged and appreciated for rather than being lashed out ? Is it time we make all females more self -reliant ? Is it time we balance the yin and yan energies in the world ?

"Thappad" ,Slap to All Spineless and Low Self Esteem people

Taapsee Pannu’s Thappad,Slap, trailer made me think it’s not the story of some women but of every women in India or around the world.  For those of you who don't know hindi Thappad translation is slap. Where she feels violated with the slap she receives from the man she loves. When she stands for her rights and her respect and what she faces isn’t what you would expect from her family? First thing her own mother says “Bus yahi dikhna bakki reh gaya tha ki beta ka divorce hoga” for those who don’t understand Hindi is “It was the last thing she could imagine in the world she would  see her daughter getting divorce “. So , what options does any normal female has it – to stuck to  a marriage where she is violated and sticking to man whom she doesn’t love for society’s stake. Because her own mother doesn’t have strength to bear the series of the questions society will put on them.

 May be she will stick for her emotional attachment for her mother with this guy and each second she will only get more scared  because this guy can hurt her more physically in the name of love and spur of the heated moment. Medically you call this Anger issues and should be put behind bars or through psychological treatment but nothing happens to the guy. He is shown putting more pressure on the girl through friends and family . Next she is shown giving answer to series of absurd questions from females, law abiding officials and Knowingly or unknowingly the friend even who in the name of supporting her. It’s her journey of breaking down and realizing she alone has to face others and find strength somewhere within.

Thappad is the every word I have been wanting to say after seeing the journey of so many close females , conversation I myself have gone through making some of them understand. I am not going to quote any names and don’t ask in personal interactions with me also.

Before blaming how one nurturer who was meant to be your strength becomes your biggest villain in this transit society

Way back when human race was formed. Men was more powerful in strength and things were uncertain in the animal kingdom they took the role of the hunter. Man hunted any animal for their survival. Man needed female to procreate that’s why we as a breed are alive otherwise we would have been. Since man and female had to co-exist and were so opposite that they married to co-exist in the society, man took the role of provider while female took the role of nurturer to bind things together. So with generations to generations it has been passed on from generations to generations we as females have to adjust else we can beat our opponent through physical force. For people to protect themselves and keep the society bind it was very much required science had progressed and they have seen or heard stories of villages or community to be destroyed when either man or either woman don’t stick together through unknown diseases. As our society progressed and industrialization took place, we no longer needed man to do labourise work which gave some opportunity to the female to enter the workforce. Some women paved path for other females to join them while every dynamic in workplace was made for man to work. With strength of female in the workplace, people started to realize the progressive way of using the true strength of nurturer side of the females and many fellow female to could join. This was done at the expense of the overstretching of the females to balance both or leaving one for another for long. Because man may say that they are progressive but when it comes to make a compromise for the family it is the female who was taking toll. This makes financial sense also because the set up of the marriage in most countries is man is normally elder and has no additional responsibility to play can anytime is earning more .This also continued for a generation but somewhere with more payscale ,more opportunity, more science and more awareness , may females formed strength in each other , initial setup no longer is required. So now woman is both the nurturer and provider also. She sometimes have lost the nurturing part of herself but society is such that provider side is prominent. With all the juggling of everything alone. Family setup of man and woman coming together to procreate was right but with max burden on the woman, she has started to ask for more from the other party. She is looking for a man who is companion not a cargo to carry on her shoulder while she knows she can fly well without baggage. She has started to question the norms in the society but what about the man. I have known more nurturer than females but some stubborn providers who don’t understand who say they have sacrificed for the family in earning for family are taken aback now which the questions he was not made ready by another nurturer. How will the woman of 80 years change now or even woman half her change  now ? For 80 years old to change  she has to be open minded which in hierarchical society is tough. These low self esteem provider when questioned have the max anger challenges and when nurturer is not ready to adjust after some years of giving to the provider .Even if she is adjusting in the name of her parents once they are gone so is the bond’s name

This is the time for men to be surprised when men who were asking women to take back step realize that their kids don’t need them , their wives don’t need them anymore and some strong people have realized instead of slow death while living with people who are not good for her emotional and mental health they can divorce . Peace is more important in world than a partner next to you 

Is the time man are getting slapped ?

Or

Is the time woman are realizing where they were violated ?

Or

Is the time woman are realizing where they have always known but kept quiet to fit in the society?

Or

Is the time man will change ?

What happens in this transit time of Thappad? Will man grow with pace woman are growing or we become dysfunctional for some time 

P.S. I am not man hater but not raising your voice when you are violated be it man or woman I can’t stand. I am writing more from woman’s side because its easy for them to tell their stories to me and I can make logical judgement and understanding the bigger bigger picture