Alone or Lonely

What do you define to be alone or lonely will change the way you see people around . Both are the adjectives to express the separation from the general population. On one hand Alone means to be a single person who is separate from others on the another hand lonely is one who is feeling sadness because of isolation or abandoment . What is more lonely when you are alone and happy or being with the legal partner and feeling lone because you have abnadoment . Without naming any of the female , I will give away their stories because its everyday norm and it could be your next door neighbour or the person whose pictures who adore on the Facebook every now and then .

How would you feel if you know you have to stick by the man who is going outside but is with you because of society pressure ? Would respect that person ? Will you be able to love that person ? I am no one to judge you but if your consciousness allows you then be it . You are your own truth .  But there are some females who demand 100% while giving 100% . Some people are not bonded by society but their inner truth.  I have asked females and males  What is marriage for them and why they want o marriage ? I have got some strange responses some want to do it for their parents and then when after intial excitment is over wait for their parents death to get over the burden but by then they would got the kids by that time . So they lie to themselves that is the truth of the world we live in . While some have said they wanted to procreate with their own genes seriously you bring something to world because you have strange desire while world is fighting with global warming and awarding people who don't procreate anymore !!! I have known people who are in marriage and their partners have cheated on them . Imagine even if they post lovely pictures for society's sake or to be believe their partner still love them and go to psychiatrist every week .Strangely on the surface layer whatever they have said because of society's pressure etc but everybody wants to be  with somebody for the fear of loneliness . You can't gaurantee any future for anybody what if that person dies in an accident , there are lot of whatifs .What is more harmful sticking to a marriage where you are emotional robbed each day and degraded for the things you are not meant to be because of personality but by gender you are imposed for or being alone trying to build the right relationship . If you have right what and why for the marriage please go ahead with person you want to else marriage can be burdensome to an extent you can never image. To get some moments of  peace I have seen such females to go outside and look for peace . You can understand this from the thappad movie where the lawyer herself is stuck in marriage and for few moments to be that butterfly and have  peace goes outside of home bound . if we don't stop at this stage where females have beared lot of diseases and gone outside the to seek freedom and peace ,the very institute of marriage will be seen broken soon . Marry someone when you are sure to be going through the journey together . The kind fof compromises the marriage asks for can't be done unless both people understand each other well and ready to be together. This can be imagined from the rockstar movie , there is a layer to nagris fakri which she is able to open in front of only ranbir kapoor . No other person could take that away the feeling he has for nagris from the ranbrir , no amount of physical intimacy could replace the bond nagris has with ranbir , the emotional support both used to get from each other. If we see the dream girl the theme of that movie is that a call center girl pooja is a dream girl of so many people because she understands everybody and talks to them in their language . We are selfish being ,No person wants to understand what the girl might be looking for ever they just know she is able to understand and try to grab that person . Understanding doesn't mean that you don't question the other person . There are women in this world who have said they will not compromise their peace of mind for society's pressure if they get their dream boy not physically but emotionally. Be it Alia Bhatt from Highway who fall for Randeep Hooda where she thinks his kidnapper has best intention for her than her own parents . Basic instinct in each human being is to be heard but if they don't get heard while staying together they feel more deserted . What do you want to choose today is your choice ? I have seen people who have been in wrong relationship to be jealous of the people who are single and have wit of stand of pressure of society. When people start to preach other people to be get married , my basic question is if you are in your happy state why preach people , why can't both state of people exist ? Why force people to go through what you have gone through ? I have seen people giving advice if marriage is uphill why don't you bring the child ? Sorry if there is a problem between 2 people how the hell on earth third person can bring them closer on any decision. All these advices just means let's keep our drawing room neat and clean while cupboard could be mess . For whose life are you living today. I have also seen the other spectrum of people who go on length to advise that men are not good . Trust me I have faith in marriage because I have seen nice men in my life who keep my faith in humanity alive first then relationship. Some of my best mentors in my life have been men . Don't bash men but look for just ways to express yourself without being judged . That's all we are looking for .Be it men be it women . we want to be loved at the end of the day in one form or another . Sometimes its okay to be a mess but never be lonely . Find out ways to keep yourself happy even if you are not in relationship , go for movies alone , go out have dinner dates wuth yourself , be the person you wanted to become . Love your unconditionally . Then be with the person who understand you and you understand them give each other the respect , trust and communication to be who you want to be . It's not only for the marraige , but in general for all the relationship you build give each person to be who they are with respect and love . if you build each relationship like that without any judgements you may be alone as per society but never lone .

Life will come easy to you when you know yourself well and then you bring the right people in your life rather than from the needy place . Happiness is the ultimate truth  why wait for another person to bring it to you . Learn to be happy irrespective of anyone and you will never be alone .What you choose today will define the state of your being tomorrow .  Choose what you want to create and world will meet your there . Choose your own right from the loving state and create your own story and see where this journey takes you . two synonym can mean so different but power of choice in your hand .

How to get best out of Quarantine period

Suddenly we have got so much time with ourselves or immediate family. What we can do in these times when there will be lot of time .I will just share how I am doing it . You can use it as example to utilise your time

• I have stopped reading the news on Co-19 
• I have started to use the 15 min in the start of the day with meditation or some positive group 
• 15 min of yoga using Down Dog many companies are giving the free subscription till June or July to stay mentally strong 
• Also I have tried to hone my skill be it drawing or the writing or whatever so that like language you wanted to pick up
• Lot of people are organizing webinar free of cost . I have joined few courses myself . So saturday and Sunday I am focused on cooking and joining free webinars apart from the things mentioned

Change your focus to change the result you get  

What are you targetting the rootcause or in hand problem

This was a revelation for me also. While traveling to Sweden on my own using public transport. I realized woman were more open about their sexuality than you can imagine in a cold country . I have been to Europe ,they were much bolder than females  back in my country but the way I saw it in Sweden was different on altogether different level.

I saw a girl peeing on road and no car stopped to sneak peak her private parts . That led to discussion with a local Indian friend of mine who was staying there for few months now .Gisting the discussion with them I realized in Sweden if as a guy you get excited to see a woman's part is your problem not girl's. If you touch a girl and she isn't comfortable like one you get when bus hits the brake also , she has every right to call it a rape and you can put behind the bars. Forget about leeching eyes ,singing songs when a woman walks the street.

That was as woman also staying in Europe also a shock , I knew without consent is a rape but just a hand on shoulder and she isn't comfortable can be called as rape was different level. I kind of felt safe ,safe , I can't even tell you . Then it stuck me who decided that parameters here or there . Was it the women ?? If so, why so different approach in 2 different continents . May be whatever you accept becomes a norm. When you challenge that norm , atleast you are telling that world of even it's norm I will not take it ,and I am above the standard mentioned by you or any person. You earn that standard but just one request it should be done in dignified way so that there is no blame game . But after that trip I started to wear what I wanted to wear not  what world wants me to wear but I saw series of men who gave me that faith if they can't control themselves seeing me it's their problem not mine. Having said that we have to be judicious that we don't hit our head in wall.  Because in Europe also in one customer location along with few Desi Bhai behen , I was everyday searched from top to bottom and anything western apart from denim became my problem.I changed the way I dressed trying to fit and be accepted  and stopped feeling myself , for people it was just a dress but to me, it was part of my soul how I carry myself ,  it was my identity & I felt lost among those people , I couldn't connect with the crowd emotionally , mentally . End result, I understood the lyrics of the song Wake Me Up from Avicii. 

Same is the case with rape prevention mechanism in India these days . Woman are told that they shouldn't move out after certain time , the dress they need to wear , one minister going to an extent calling eating chowein for woman is the issue. If I hadn't been to Sweden with open mind I would have believed rape is a problem of girls . No it's the men who need coaching , counselling, stop repressing the woman. Even if we stay within a bathroom and four walls of home , someone will leech us in the bathroom also .In short whatever restrictions you can put in you can put but problem will not be solved . What happens when you have a bodycream on a dry skin while real reason is thyroid. Without treating thyroid we will keep on putting number of creams but problem will still persist . May be we will worried for hairfall in few days not just dry skin and all exterior treatment will not help much.

Is it time we ask our men to be more sensitive to woman's need ? Is it time we stop asking men to putting facade on their face ? Is it time we let men to show their empathetic side . Is it time we stop asking women to hide behind the 12 inch yard while showing navel while crop top isn't culture ? Is it time we let women be women ? If rapes are happening in night , then is it time we stop men to go in late ? We should hit  and fix at the predator rather than prey .Is it time feminine side of men should be promoted , encouraged and appreciated for rather than being lashed out ? Is it time we make all females more self -reliant ? Is it time we balance the yin and yan energies in the world ?

"Thappad" ,Slap to All Spineless and Low Self Esteem people

Taapsee Pannu’s Thappad,Slap, trailer made me think it’s not the story of some women but of every women in India or around the world.  For those of you who don't know hindi Thappad translation is slap. Where she feels violated with the slap she receives from the man she loves. When she stands for her rights and her respect and what she faces isn’t what you would expect from her family? First thing her own mother says “Bus yahi dikhna bakki reh gaya tha ki beta ka divorce hoga” for those who don’t understand Hindi is “It was the last thing she could imagine in the world she would  see her daughter getting divorce “. So , what options does any normal female has it – to stuck to  a marriage where she is violated and sticking to man whom she doesn’t love for society’s stake. Because her own mother doesn’t have strength to bear the series of the questions society will put on them.

 May be she will stick for her emotional attachment for her mother with this guy and each second she will only get more scared  because this guy can hurt her more physically in the name of love and spur of the heated moment. Medically you call this Anger issues and should be put behind bars or through psychological treatment but nothing happens to the guy. He is shown putting more pressure on the girl through friends and family . Next she is shown giving answer to series of absurd questions from females, law abiding officials and Knowingly or unknowingly the friend even who in the name of supporting her. It’s her journey of breaking down and realizing she alone has to face others and find strength somewhere within.

Thappad is the every word I have been wanting to say after seeing the journey of so many close females , conversation I myself have gone through making some of them understand. I am not going to quote any names and don’t ask in personal interactions with me also.

Before blaming how one nurturer who was meant to be your strength becomes your biggest villain in this transit society

Way back when human race was formed. Men was more powerful in strength and things were uncertain in the animal kingdom they took the role of the hunter. Man hunted any animal for their survival. Man needed female to procreate that’s why we as a breed are alive otherwise we would have been. Since man and female had to co-exist and were so opposite that they married to co-exist in the society, man took the role of provider while female took the role of nurturer to bind things together. So with generations to generations it has been passed on from generations to generations we as females have to adjust else we can beat our opponent through physical force. For people to protect themselves and keep the society bind it was very much required science had progressed and they have seen or heard stories of villages or community to be destroyed when either man or either woman don’t stick together through unknown diseases. As our society progressed and industrialization took place, we no longer needed man to do labourise work which gave some opportunity to the female to enter the workforce. Some women paved path for other females to join them while every dynamic in workplace was made for man to work. With strength of female in the workplace, people started to realize the progressive way of using the true strength of nurturer side of the females and many fellow female to could join. This was done at the expense of the overstretching of the females to balance both or leaving one for another for long. Because man may say that they are progressive but when it comes to make a compromise for the family it is the female who was taking toll. This makes financial sense also because the set up of the marriage in most countries is man is normally elder and has no additional responsibility to play can anytime is earning more .This also continued for a generation but somewhere with more payscale ,more opportunity, more science and more awareness , may females formed strength in each other , initial setup no longer is required. So now woman is both the nurturer and provider also. She sometimes have lost the nurturing part of herself but society is such that provider side is prominent. With all the juggling of everything alone. Family setup of man and woman coming together to procreate was right but with max burden on the woman, she has started to ask for more from the other party. She is looking for a man who is companion not a cargo to carry on her shoulder while she knows she can fly well without baggage. She has started to question the norms in the society but what about the man. I have known more nurturer than females but some stubborn providers who don’t understand who say they have sacrificed for the family in earning for family are taken aback now which the questions he was not made ready by another nurturer. How will the woman of 80 years change now or even woman half her change  now ? For 80 years old to change  she has to be open minded which in hierarchical society is tough. These low self esteem provider when questioned have the max anger challenges and when nurturer is not ready to adjust after some years of giving to the provider .Even if she is adjusting in the name of her parents once they are gone so is the bond’s name

This is the time for men to be surprised when men who were asking women to take back step realize that their kids don’t need them , their wives don’t need them anymore and some strong people have realized instead of slow death while living with people who are not good for her emotional and mental health they can divorce . Peace is more important in world than a partner next to you 

Is the time man are getting slapped ?

Or

Is the time woman are realizing where they were violated ?

Or

Is the time woman are realizing where they have always known but kept quiet to fit in the society?

Or

Is the time man will change ?

What happens in this transit time of Thappad? Will man grow with pace woman are growing or we become dysfunctional for some time 

P.S. I am not man hater but not raising your voice when you are violated be it man or woman I can’t stand. I am writing more from woman’s side because its easy for them to tell their stories to me and I can make logical judgement and understanding the bigger bigger picture

Tere Saath

Tere saath or mere haath me haar lambha haseen ho jata tha

Tere chehre ke noor se suraj roshani meri aankono ko dhundladeti thi

Tere Aankho ke chamak se yeh raat jagmati thi

Ab toh yeh alamb hai meri aankho ke moti se hi barisey hoti hai

Kabhi teri yaad aa gaye kuch lambho ke liye ek toofan se jooj leti hue

Ab sone se bhi darr lagta hai kahi sapne me hi main toot jao

Alpha Female : How to Identify her ?

It has been very interesting to understand human behaviour and its follicles . Life is never about black and white. It’s always about some grey’s . But this seemed to me an interesting topic for professional topic what happens when we have a female alpha in a team.

When I studied various group I realized that there must be at least one alpha female. But starting to explain more on the topic . let’s understand who is the alpha women . Alpha women is not the one who is most attractive , powerful or domineering woman but alpha woman is the one who is the natural leader of the group of females . It is very strange that as females we have been mentally structured either to accept  an alpha female or become an alpha female. This has been captured beautifully by Wayne Drane how females have been brought up to cooperate even in adverse situations.

We as females are groomed that to share , cooperate and play fair. They are strong to adapt to the situation . So in short females have been brought to either take up the position of alpha female or follow the alpha female. There is one un/spoken leader in a  group of females . All females follow the alpha social grace in the society. Other follow the social clues of the alphas. Alphaness is the degree of the leadership quality . Alpha females are social conductors while others are orchestra  and help to navigate the business meetings. In a group of the females , if you alpha woman leaves nobody knows what to do . Rest woman are left on their own and even men in that group don’t know .  If there are no alpha woman the discussion will become boring and weird . But let’s assume when we have 2 alpha women in the team , both will fight and may be turn out to be the cat fight . This was the turning point when I started to write the blog where I got to realize that if a new alpha woman join the group where there is an already an alpha woman , new alpha woman has to mellow down or she will be kicked out pretty soon. Reason is simple group dynamics get disturbed  when  two alpha females competing to be the social conductor and non-alpha females aren’t sure whom to follow. If the old alpha woman has strong hold on the environment and people , new alpha woman ‘s alphaness will not work and ultimately she will move where she will be appreciated and admired .Strangely it is not the woman who are scared of alpha woman but alpha man are scared of the alpha female since she has more social grace in business world .

So no matter what you believe you can’t live with alpha female and you can use her to advantage rather than making her your enemy 

P.S.:- This blog was driven by the scenario which I recently observed and wanted to pen down ... Next I will write how to increase the alphaness in you  

Take last leg is most important leg to take

This blog is created while traveling alone to sweden. There has been times when this alone time gives me soul searching and today is one of them. we as humans have so much clustered in our mind that we forget to see the clearer picture in life. It stuck me when I was up in the air there was bright sun shining @ 8.30 pm CET also while from where I started it was raining heavily, everything surrounded by clouds. when you head towards your destination things will clear out for sure. but before doing so we need to have patience to go against the wind and stand tall. The view at top is so scenic that you will not regret any struggle in your journey. Your journey is your own adventure ride but some can be calculated risks like parasailing where probability of failure is .01%.. So take small steps where you want to head but keep moving ahead and you will build a new kind of confidence in yourself.