Be Stylish Be Classy Yet Authentic

After writing some heavy blogs , I wanted to keep this week light , easy and breezy but with meat to ponder upon. This idea came up after I had posted few pictures some on whatsapp , some on instagram and with every comment I had received compliment that I have always maintained the grace irrespective of the dress I had worn and some asked how do I maintain that. First of all ,Thanks for the compliments everyone and I will like to pass some of the credit to my grandmom , she taught me most of my dressing style. She was the most stylish and graceful lady I have ever met , I can be 10% baised towards her :-). For me style is the extension of my thoughts which I believe in or resonate with. If after 20 years you see yourself in any dress and you have hide then that's not stylish in my definition.

First rule of the thumb, Wear what you like not what  trend people are following or  market is oozing about .Make your own trend, Be you , this will not only makes you stand out from the crowd but also help you in all front of life because you are wearing what you love and there is unsaid happiness in it and it will be shown in your behaviour while interacting with people around you.

In my own cousin's wedding I wore the gown which when I had my first trial made me feel like princess and was just made for me . End result, I was happy and was on top of the world and pictures reflect that ... I was even questioned by my near and dear ones for that  and was given suggestion to wear a lehenga .I choose the dress because that was the authentic me and I was happy being me , Shred the voices around you and learn to hear your inner voice , trust me you will sleep better and enjoy the moment

Second rule of thumb, whatever you wear, you should be comfortable in your skin. The test I do is if I have to walk in that room and if my father or grandmom is there whether he or she  would be comfortable to see me . That person could be  anybody you respect. It's not about the full length or cut sleeves or anything you wear but how you carry that dress. If you are not comfortable in the dress it will show in some form

I had once travelled to Norway with white theme in my mind , I had worn white offshoulder dress. Those pics are the best pics of mine because I was comfortable , even for shoes I could have worn high heels but for me comfort was important so I wore the red sneakers and carried with panache.If somebody would have asked me to hike that day I could have done . I had gone to travel so walking comfortably yet looking elegant was my ask and I owned that look. Picture will speak louder about it.

If I have to put philosphical , there is a very thin line between bikni and lingerie , never forgot that difference

Third rule of thumb , never wear anything which doesn't add to your charm . Be it the cloth fabric you select or the colour you choose . Everything has to be authentic and charming to that level. Any colour dress which is not comfortable to you , you will not be able to wear why bother others with rude mood  just because you are not comfortable. Each dress you wear should bring out the signature of who you are.
Like I am not comfortable with leopard print at this stage and nobody ever saw me wearing it in last 2-3 years. I have a more affinity towards pink and a lot get reflected with ease I carry shades of pink . Wear the colour that makes you feel more vibrant and energized . Choose and own it.

Fourth rule , dress has to fit on you , like it was meant for you . If the fitting of the dress isn't right , there is something missing and you will give away in your expression so be you. I had my days also where I had worn something which was either too tight or too loose and that reflected in my body language ... So now just dress to kill

Fifth rule , wear the attire as per the place. When in rome do as roman do.  This is important because you want to stand out of the crowd with your signature style but you don't want to look out of the place. Like I never wear offshoulder dress or party dresses to office . I am not into modeling industry. In India , I always try to wear  min. calf length dresses. It's nothing wrong in wearing short dresses but just that people around are not ready to see me in that avatar in person and I don't mind wearing denim with long kurtis for my safety :-)

Lastly , I don't add mulitiple things in one look and try to use the basic theme to enhance the overall look. Normally my dresses will be in one basic colour or some very basic embroidery or simple cuts or  some light flowery prints to blend with my skin texture .Dress I wear should enhance me not other way round. Too much of anything will make it look cluttered and that's not who I am . I get put off after looking at heavy worked suit, dresses. If I have one theme , I try to accessorize minimal and suit that theme . Minimisalism is the motto that works for me. Classy is my mantra and I want to carry it thoughout my life

Hope these tips were worth reading for you also . It was fun for me to revisit my own picture and define my style

Everywhere you go add a little sparkle of who you are and enjoy the magicland being created

Unbreak the Feminist facade

The idea of this blog came from the very comment from one of my dear friend whom I value a lot. This made me realize writing has its own cons that without example taciturn writing can lead to miscommunication. To avoid being heard incorrectly for my thoughts. I am choosing on write on what feminism, true essence of being feminist is and why many dread the word now

So what is Feminism? Feminism is nothing but a movement that helped woman have equal rights and opportunities as men. It is all about leveling up the playing field for the genders to have fair and square game. Therefore, does that mean are man and woman same? No but it just means if I want to a fighter and I should not be said I cannot because I have different set of genitals.

If this was so simple, why is that woman now days run away from being called feminist? I myself was shying away to attach the word feminism in this article. Somehow, somebody has to bring the elephant in the room and the most dreaded woman. Irony of the situation is the feminism relates to the masculinity. The job where personalities of being strong , vocal and assertive like CEO of the fortune 500 companies, Engineer etc are considered to be feminist. If the goal of feminist is to be accepted in the roles earlier played by, men then I will be sorry to say we are falling in the trap of patriarchy. The idea of feminism is to give due to respect to each woman’s knowledge, strength and experiences and embrace it well. A woman who is wearing pink dress orchestrating a board meeting can be as feminist as a woman wearing a black saree in confines of her home. It about her choice and not to be judged by other people but at that same time it should not be about bra burning. It shouldn’t be hating any gender or any person based on their choices but about embracing, respecting each other . So next time  when you see a woman consider her to as feminist as a  woman wearing saree living creating home with her presence or a single mother or spinster or woman embracing home , business with ease and choice .

And as woman based on my experience, if we are fighting the war of who is better please God we have already lost it. Each one of us bring their own uniqueness to make this universe a better place. So when we have limited time in the world let’s choose our battle wisely. World can exist only with balance of yin and yang energies. If we strive to be the best we should use of our feminine qualities alongwith embracing the business acumen. 

And one last thing , as nail in coffin , I have met more men to be feminist than woman so feminism is not gender based but a thought that everybody deserves the opportunity based on their skills and merit

Who do you want to be ? A strong Woman !!!

While thinking for what I could write for my fellow female travellers on this journey today. What topic to pick , I came across the quote " A woman is like a tea bag—you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water." —Eleanor Roosevelt.

It triggerred my chain of  thought why we call woman strong even though we can also see woman being fragile and docile . If a woman hasn't learnt the art of self defense she can't withstand in the fight with a man , then why are we called as strong ? May be because we have the capacity to nurture a baby and carry them for 9 months . So strength is nothing but quality of being strong . Power to resist force . By this logic all the woman are strong since almost all woman have been harmed , exploited or mistreated by men to an extent be it any part of the world while still maintaining the general loving view towards life and people around her . Nuturer in most of the woman is still alive.

But when pages of history will be reopened we will few names written in bold as the woman of strength . let's explore some names here and see what made them so unique that their names got engraved with gold. With woman known as strong but in different genre. On one hand we have  Joan of Arc who was a fighter, soldier and a noble woman  and on another hand we have Marilyn Monroe who was the face of epitome of beauty and fantised by all men . If the fantsy was the end result why don't we know about Lady Godiva . Wait before you say who is she ? She was the one who when provoked by her husband that he will only listen to her when she walks on streets of town naked  and did so. She has also shown the courage to do so that in way back twelfth century. Way before Marilyn did so and list her name never appears in the list of strong women. So when we  talk about strength , people don't see and talk strength in average. So when we see lot of skin show in today's world this is not the mark of the strong woman but it's way more than what meets the eyes. 

It is more of the inner strength and not be compared with men because have different scenarios to deal with and have different needs also . Strong woman builds , supports , love and care . A strong woman is one who is able to reflect on life , guide and protect 

With this definition I hope we all choose to  be strong woman who support and build each other even scratch each other's back if required but never to snatch the crown from other person.

"A strong woman understands that the gifts such as logic, decisiveness, and strength are just as feminine as intuition and emotional connection. She values and uses all of her gifts." —Nancy Rathburn

Ways to ease anxiety with EFT

All of us have been struck by the Co-Vid 19 recently and it has recently put all of us in the uncertain times and uncertainity at its peak

I was one of them who was taken off gaurd and not knowing where future will take me now .

Strangely somebody from my friend circle introduced me to EFT .  It helped me calm during these times when I was alone so thought it might help you also so sharing it 

What is EFT ?

EFT is Emotional Freedom Technique to ease the pain from emotional and physical distress . As per EFT , negative energy is caused by distruption . It works on the merdian points to bring the balance back 

It let you to first acknowledge your problem and your feeling then helps you acknowledge it 

And accept yourself with it 

It lets you have the power in your hand . When you are struck by the panic this mehod will help

P.S.: if I get enough people interested I will do 15-20 min zoom call to calm your mind with right statements

Alone or Lonely

What do you define to be alone or lonely will change the way you see people around . Both are the adjectives to express the separation from the general population. On one hand Alone means to be a single person who is separate from others on the another hand lonely is one who is feeling sadness because of isolation or abandoment . What is more lonely when you are alone and happy or being with the legal partner and feeling lone because you have abnadoment . Without naming any of the female , I will give away their stories because its everyday norm and it could be your next door neighbour or the person whose pictures who adore on the Facebook every now and then .

How would you feel if you know you have to stick by the man who is going outside but is with you because of society pressure ? Would respect that person ? Will you be able to love that person ? I am no one to judge you but if your consciousness allows you then be it . You are your own truth .  But there are some females who demand 100% while giving 100% . Some people are not bonded by society but their inner truth.  I have asked females and males  What is marriage for them and why they want o marriage ? I have got some strange responses some want to do it for their parents and then when after intial excitment is over wait for their parents death to get over the burden but by then they would got the kids by that time . So they lie to themselves that is the truth of the world we live in . While some have said they wanted to procreate with their own genes seriously you bring something to world because you have strange desire while world is fighting with global warming and awarding people who don't procreate anymore !!! I have known people who are in marriage and their partners have cheated on them . Imagine even if they post lovely pictures for society's sake or to be believe their partner still love them and go to psychiatrist every week .Strangely on the surface layer whatever they have said because of society's pressure etc but everybody wants to be  with somebody for the fear of loneliness . You can't gaurantee any future for anybody what if that person dies in an accident , there are lot of whatifs .What is more harmful sticking to a marriage where you are emotional robbed each day and degraded for the things you are not meant to be because of personality but by gender you are imposed for or being alone trying to build the right relationship . If you have right what and why for the marriage please go ahead with person you want to else marriage can be burdensome to an extent you can never image. To get some moments of  peace I have seen such females to go outside and look for peace . You can understand this from the thappad movie where the lawyer herself is stuck in marriage and for few moments to be that butterfly and have  peace goes outside of home bound . if we don't stop at this stage where females have beared lot of diseases and gone outside the to seek freedom and peace ,the very institute of marriage will be seen broken soon . Marry someone when you are sure to be going through the journey together . The kind fof compromises the marriage asks for can't be done unless both people understand each other well and ready to be together. This can be imagined from the rockstar movie , there is a layer to nagris fakri which she is able to open in front of only ranbir kapoor . No other person could take that away the feeling he has for nagris from the ranbrir , no amount of physical intimacy could replace the bond nagris has with ranbir , the emotional support both used to get from each other. If we see the dream girl the theme of that movie is that a call center girl pooja is a dream girl of so many people because she understands everybody and talks to them in their language . We are selfish being ,No person wants to understand what the girl might be looking for ever they just know she is able to understand and try to grab that person . Understanding doesn't mean that you don't question the other person . There are women in this world who have said they will not compromise their peace of mind for society's pressure if they get their dream boy not physically but emotionally. Be it Alia Bhatt from Highway who fall for Randeep Hooda where she thinks his kidnapper has best intention for her than her own parents . Basic instinct in each human being is to be heard but if they don't get heard while staying together they feel more deserted . What do you want to choose today is your choice ? I have seen people who have been in wrong relationship to be jealous of the people who are single and have wit of stand of pressure of society. When people start to preach other people to be get married , my basic question is if you are in your happy state why preach people , why can't both state of people exist ? Why force people to go through what you have gone through ? I have seen people giving advice if marriage is uphill why don't you bring the child ? Sorry if there is a problem between 2 people how the hell on earth third person can bring them closer on any decision. All these advices just means let's keep our drawing room neat and clean while cupboard could be mess . For whose life are you living today. I have also seen the other spectrum of people who go on length to advise that men are not good . Trust me I have faith in marriage because I have seen nice men in my life who keep my faith in humanity alive first then relationship. Some of my best mentors in my life have been men . Don't bash men but look for just ways to express yourself without being judged . That's all we are looking for .Be it men be it women . we want to be loved at the end of the day in one form or another . Sometimes its okay to be a mess but never be lonely . Find out ways to keep yourself happy even if you are not in relationship , go for movies alone , go out have dinner dates wuth yourself , be the person you wanted to become . Love your unconditionally . Then be with the person who understand you and you understand them give each other the respect , trust and communication to be who you want to be . It's not only for the marraige , but in general for all the relationship you build give each person to be who they are with respect and love . if you build each relationship like that without any judgements you may be alone as per society but never lone .

Life will come easy to you when you know yourself well and then you bring the right people in your life rather than from the needy place . Happiness is the ultimate truth  why wait for another person to bring it to you . Learn to be happy irrespective of anyone and you will never be alone .What you choose today will define the state of your being tomorrow .  Choose what you want to create and world will meet your there . Choose your own right from the loving state and create your own story and see where this journey takes you . two synonym can mean so different but power of choice in your hand .

How to get best out of Quarantine period

Suddenly we have got so much time with ourselves or immediate family. What we can do in these times when there will be lot of time .I will just share how I am doing it . You can use it as example to utilise your time

• I have stopped reading the news on Co-19 
• I have started to use the 15 min in the start of the day with meditation or some positive group 
• 15 min of yoga using Down Dog many companies are giving the free subscription till June or July to stay mentally strong 
• Also I have tried to hone my skill be it drawing or the writing or whatever so that like language you wanted to pick up
• Lot of people are organizing webinar free of cost . I have joined few courses myself . So saturday and Sunday I am focused on cooking and joining free webinars apart from the things mentioned

Change your focus to change the result you get  

What are you targetting the rootcause or in hand problem

This was a revelation for me also. While traveling to Sweden on my own using public transport. I realized woman were more open about their sexuality than you can imagine in a cold country . I have been to Europe ,they were much bolder than females  back in my country but the way I saw it in Sweden was different on altogether different level.

I saw a girl peeing on road and no car stopped to sneak peak her private parts . That led to discussion with a local Indian friend of mine who was staying there for few months now .Gisting the discussion with them I realized in Sweden if as a guy you get excited to see a woman's part is your problem not girl's. If you touch a girl and she isn't comfortable like one you get when bus hits the brake also , she has every right to call it a rape and you can put behind the bars. Forget about leeching eyes ,singing songs when a woman walks the street.

That was as woman also staying in Europe also a shock , I knew without consent is a rape but just a hand on shoulder and she isn't comfortable can be called as rape was different level. I kind of felt safe ,safe , I can't even tell you . Then it stuck me who decided that parameters here or there . Was it the women ?? If so, why so different approach in 2 different continents . May be whatever you accept becomes a norm. When you challenge that norm , atleast you are telling that world of even it's norm I will not take it ,and I am above the standard mentioned by you or any person. You earn that standard but just one request it should be done in dignified way so that there is no blame game . But after that trip I started to wear what I wanted to wear not  what world wants me to wear but I saw series of men who gave me that faith if they can't control themselves seeing me it's their problem not mine. Having said that we have to be judicious that we don't hit our head in wall.  Because in Europe also in one customer location along with few Desi Bhai behen , I was everyday searched from top to bottom and anything western apart from denim became my problem.I changed the way I dressed trying to fit and be accepted  and stopped feeling myself , for people it was just a dress but to me, it was part of my soul how I carry myself ,  it was my identity & I felt lost among those people , I couldn't connect with the crowd emotionally , mentally . End result, I understood the lyrics of the song Wake Me Up from Avicii. 

Same is the case with rape prevention mechanism in India these days . Woman are told that they shouldn't move out after certain time , the dress they need to wear , one minister going to an extent calling eating chowein for woman is the issue. If I hadn't been to Sweden with open mind I would have believed rape is a problem of girls . No it's the men who need coaching , counselling, stop repressing the woman. Even if we stay within a bathroom and four walls of home , someone will leech us in the bathroom also .In short whatever restrictions you can put in you can put but problem will not be solved . What happens when you have a bodycream on a dry skin while real reason is thyroid. Without treating thyroid we will keep on putting number of creams but problem will still persist . May be we will worried for hairfall in few days not just dry skin and all exterior treatment will not help much.

Is it time we ask our men to be more sensitive to woman's need ? Is it time we stop asking men to putting facade on their face ? Is it time we let men to show their empathetic side . Is it time we stop asking women to hide behind the 12 inch yard while showing navel while crop top isn't culture ? Is it time we let women be women ? If rapes are happening in night , then is it time we stop men to go in late ? We should hit  and fix at the predator rather than prey .Is it time feminine side of men should be promoted , encouraged and appreciated for rather than being lashed out ? Is it time we make all females more self -reliant ? Is it time we balance the yin and yan energies in the world ?

"Thappad" ,Slap to All Spineless and Low Self Esteem people

Taapsee Pannu’s Thappad,Slap, trailer made me think it’s not the story of some women but of every women in India or around the world.  For those of you who don't know hindi Thappad translation is slap. Where she feels violated with the slap she receives from the man she loves. When she stands for her rights and her respect and what she faces isn’t what you would expect from her family? First thing her own mother says “Bus yahi dikhna bakki reh gaya tha ki beta ka divorce hoga” for those who don’t understand Hindi is “It was the last thing she could imagine in the world she would  see her daughter getting divorce “. So , what options does any normal female has it – to stuck to  a marriage where she is violated and sticking to man whom she doesn’t love for society’s stake. Because her own mother doesn’t have strength to bear the series of the questions society will put on them.

 May be she will stick for her emotional attachment for her mother with this guy and each second she will only get more scared  because this guy can hurt her more physically in the name of love and spur of the heated moment. Medically you call this Anger issues and should be put behind bars or through psychological treatment but nothing happens to the guy. He is shown putting more pressure on the girl through friends and family . Next she is shown giving answer to series of absurd questions from females, law abiding officials and Knowingly or unknowingly the friend even who in the name of supporting her. It’s her journey of breaking down and realizing she alone has to face others and find strength somewhere within.

Thappad is the every word I have been wanting to say after seeing the journey of so many close females , conversation I myself have gone through making some of them understand. I am not going to quote any names and don’t ask in personal interactions with me also.

Before blaming how one nurturer who was meant to be your strength becomes your biggest villain in this transit society

Way back when human race was formed. Men was more powerful in strength and things were uncertain in the animal kingdom they took the role of the hunter. Man hunted any animal for their survival. Man needed female to procreate that’s why we as a breed are alive otherwise we would have been. Since man and female had to co-exist and were so opposite that they married to co-exist in the society, man took the role of provider while female took the role of nurturer to bind things together. So with generations to generations it has been passed on from generations to generations we as females have to adjust else we can beat our opponent through physical force. For people to protect themselves and keep the society bind it was very much required science had progressed and they have seen or heard stories of villages or community to be destroyed when either man or either woman don’t stick together through unknown diseases. As our society progressed and industrialization took place, we no longer needed man to do labourise work which gave some opportunity to the female to enter the workforce. Some women paved path for other females to join them while every dynamic in workplace was made for man to work. With strength of female in the workplace, people started to realize the progressive way of using the true strength of nurturer side of the females and many fellow female to could join. This was done at the expense of the overstretching of the females to balance both or leaving one for another for long. Because man may say that they are progressive but when it comes to make a compromise for the family it is the female who was taking toll. This makes financial sense also because the set up of the marriage in most countries is man is normally elder and has no additional responsibility to play can anytime is earning more .This also continued for a generation but somewhere with more payscale ,more opportunity, more science and more awareness , may females formed strength in each other , initial setup no longer is required. So now woman is both the nurturer and provider also. She sometimes have lost the nurturing part of herself but society is such that provider side is prominent. With all the juggling of everything alone. Family setup of man and woman coming together to procreate was right but with max burden on the woman, she has started to ask for more from the other party. She is looking for a man who is companion not a cargo to carry on her shoulder while she knows she can fly well without baggage. She has started to question the norms in the society but what about the man. I have known more nurturer than females but some stubborn providers who don’t understand who say they have sacrificed for the family in earning for family are taken aback now which the questions he was not made ready by another nurturer. How will the woman of 80 years change now or even woman half her change  now ? For 80 years old to change  she has to be open minded which in hierarchical society is tough. These low self esteem provider when questioned have the max anger challenges and when nurturer is not ready to adjust after some years of giving to the provider .Even if she is adjusting in the name of her parents once they are gone so is the bond’s name

This is the time for men to be surprised when men who were asking women to take back step realize that their kids don’t need them , their wives don’t need them anymore and some strong people have realized instead of slow death while living with people who are not good for her emotional and mental health they can divorce . Peace is more important in world than a partner next to you 

Is the time man are getting slapped ?

Or

Is the time woman are realizing where they were violated ?

Or

Is the time woman are realizing where they have always known but kept quiet to fit in the society?

Or

Is the time man will change ?

What happens in this transit time of Thappad? Will man grow with pace woman are growing or we become dysfunctional for some time 

P.S. I am not man hater but not raising your voice when you are violated be it man or woman I can’t stand. I am writing more from woman’s side because its easy for them to tell their stories to me and I can make logical judgement and understanding the bigger bigger picture

Tere Saath

Tere saath or mere haath me haar lambha haseen ho jata tha

Tere chehre ke noor se suraj roshani meri aankono ko dhundladeti thi

Tere Aankho ke chamak se yeh raat jagmati thi

Ab toh yeh alamb hai meri aankho ke moti se hi barisey hoti hai

Kabhi teri yaad aa gaye kuch lambho ke liye ek toofan se jooj leti hue

Ab sone se bhi darr lagta hai kahi sapne me hi main toot jao

Alpha Female : How to Identify her ?

It has been very interesting to understand human behaviour and its follicles . Life is never about black and white. It’s always about some grey’s . But this seemed to me an interesting topic for professional topic what happens when we have a female alpha in a team.

When I studied various group I realized that there must be at least one alpha female. But starting to explain more on the topic . let’s understand who is the alpha women . Alpha women is not the one who is most attractive , powerful or domineering woman but alpha woman is the one who is the natural leader of the group of females . It is very strange that as females we have been mentally structured either to accept  an alpha female or become an alpha female. This has been captured beautifully by Wayne Drane how females have been brought up to cooperate even in adverse situations.

We as females are groomed that to share , cooperate and play fair. They are strong to adapt to the situation . So in short females have been brought to either take up the position of alpha female or follow the alpha female. There is one un/spoken leader in a  group of females . All females follow the alpha social grace in the society. Other follow the social clues of the alphas. Alphaness is the degree of the leadership quality . Alpha females are social conductors while others are orchestra  and help to navigate the business meetings. In a group of the females , if you alpha woman leaves nobody knows what to do . Rest woman are left on their own and even men in that group don’t know .  If there are no alpha woman the discussion will become boring and weird . But let’s assume when we have 2 alpha women in the team , both will fight and may be turn out to be the cat fight . This was the turning point when I started to write the blog where I got to realize that if a new alpha woman join the group where there is an already an alpha woman , new alpha woman has to mellow down or she will be kicked out pretty soon. Reason is simple group dynamics get disturbed  when  two alpha females competing to be the social conductor and non-alpha females aren’t sure whom to follow. If the old alpha woman has strong hold on the environment and people , new alpha woman ‘s alphaness will not work and ultimately she will move where she will be appreciated and admired .Strangely it is not the woman who are scared of alpha woman but alpha man are scared of the alpha female since she has more social grace in business world .

So no matter what you believe you can’t live with alpha female and you can use her to advantage rather than making her your enemy 

P.S.:- This blog was driven by the scenario which I recently observed and wanted to pen down ... Next I will write how to increase the alphaness in you  

Take last leg is most important leg to take

This blog is created while traveling alone to sweden. There has been times when this alone time gives me soul searching and today is one of them. we as humans have so much clustered in our mind that we forget to see the clearer picture in life. It stuck me when I was up in the air there was bright sun shining @ 8.30 pm CET also while from where I started it was raining heavily, everything surrounded by clouds. when you head towards your destination things will clear out for sure. but before doing so we need to have patience to go against the wind and stand tall. The view at top is so scenic that you will not regret any struggle in your journey. Your journey is your own adventure ride but some can be calculated risks like parasailing where probability of failure is .01%.. So take small steps where you want to head but keep moving ahead and you will build a new kind of confidence in yourself.

Twist from universe

While walking in the jungle of her thoughts on a dark alley , Kiara put a brake on her running shoes. She must have seen a ghost anyone could have guessed? She had just seen a dark catty eye cat crossing her path. She was trying to calm her mind without entering the memory lane . But memory lane is the alley you enter with realizing it. Suddenly,  she realized what her friend has told her 2 months back in coffee shop  cats are the spiritual creatures . They are God sent angel’s to show message from heaven to humans when they are lost. She took the walk to forgot about him only to be reminded about him. Taking universe’s clue ,she took the phone from her jacket . She dialled a  number from her address book

Kiara : Hi

Him : Hi. What happened ? Why are you panting ?

Kiara : I will explain you but first thank you to pick up the call

She started to explain what has just happened

Kiara with sigh  fumbling with her words I think ....(thinking what to say)

Him : We can’t live apart for long

Kiara : I agee

Him : Let’s catch up tomorrow at coffee shop @ 8 PM our favourite table

Kiara : See you tomorrow

 

P.S.:- This one was part of exercise on symbolic animal.

Wish people take decision based on emotions and real life will be so easy as writing as it

Mango fruity : Love : Understanding : Companionship

I could never nail why falling in love is so easy  after watching Shah Rukh Khan . Why all the women love him so much. Somewhere I have written a blog for about it but it doesn’t do the justice . With every bit of SRK in new movie there is part of me which wants to believe in love because of him. The honesty in his eyes just makes say awe, he must be loving the women  so madly. You believe the depth in his eyes. But aren’t other actors doing the same . Imagine somebody saying if I have given commitment, they will never break but does that attract any gal ? Lot of time when those lines are spoken apart from SRK you feel it’s coming from an ego state  not loving state. His earnest is most felt when a woman understands his emotions. Strangely somewhere I heard SRK mentioning that all love stories were beautiful because woman’s emotions were empowered . I couldn’t agree to him more , all love stories were from the standpoint of a woman . Woman who were fearless in matter of love be it simran , sejal , akira , Anjali . They might have some inner turmoil but they emotions can be felt . SRK is just there to understand them better . So nailing word of the romance that we all should be looking is understanding. Be it the guy or a gal we all are searching for somebody who understands us. Good amount of the both gender now a days are capable enough to  lead a single life easily . But what they are looking for , to be with somebody who can be understanding towards their journey. So, as a relationship coach when you stop looking for what others can give you but what you can give to them . You can be understanding of their journey , you will be attracting a companion for a life rather than somebody based on infatuation. Start to understand others by putting yourself in their shoes but that doesn’t mean that you to stick with wrong partner . You have to come from a loving space and let that love flow. But for all those things to happen you have first love yourself . Motto in life should be love should be essence of your being not an extension or mask you wear. Moment that happens everything in universe will fall in its place   I will be leaving this blog here and going to watch the depth of eyes of  love and will come back with review of Jab Harry met Sejal . Hope my mango fruity doesn’t disappoint me because after a long I feel like watching him. His eyes can stop my world without me thinking from my senses.

Unrequited Love : Not Really!!! Love Yourself And Let Divine Timing Show what's yours

Lot has been written about the unrequited love. Strangely even as a poetess and writer, I have written the stories , poem  to the same because it’s one of the most talked topic . What my search as a coach has brought me  bewildered my brain. Imagine we as soul choose whatever happens to us not from the thought  process we have from 3 years of childhood but we as soul choose our parents to inflict on us whatever is happening. Whatever our soul has to learn in this world , soul chooses the people which will give us those experiences in form of the parents we select. I knew that we conspire whatever good or bad happens to us. Lack of self-love and self- worth is the key reason for all the bad things that happens to us. But what blew my mind was we as soul choose our parents .The lesson we are here on the earth to experience can be achieved through the parents who will provide us the same .Our self-worth and how we will react is determined by the encounter we have been raised till the age of 5 years determine our future . if your parents criticised for every mistake so when you grow and face an challenge instead to handle yourself with love and learn from it , you will find yourself talking in demeaning manner about yourself. But if the universe has conspired us to face this , is there any way we can achieve the potential we have or we are struck with it once for all? If we are able to identify the pattern we have been following , why can’t we break it ? Isn’t not possible ? But if so then why so many people struggle ? If I go to astrology people will be able to find out about this during their Saturn coming between the age of 28 -32 and another cycle around 60 years .Saturn return is nothing but the time when the planet of judgement comes over the position which was their during the birth chart , time when you become mature as per astrology . Every 30 years Saturn provides an opportunity where your soul can be rebirth by purifying yourself. Purification process  for any precious thing be it  diamond or gold it takes it come from extreme pressure. So, for even the humans this process will not be easy. It will break your ego , you will embark on the journey where whatever you value might be taken away from you. You will be humble by the end of this process but will be trusting in this process. Why  I am mentioning about the astrology? Because the science which is considered a superstition , also mentions that human has the opportunity to grow and unlearn what he has been learnt to better ourselves. Now imagine you are just the true believer of actions and that everything is energy. Our experiences are nothing but whatever is present in our Vortex. I remember listening to Iyanla Vanzant where she mentions that there was a time when there was huge cake and other kids could have as many pieces as they liked  but still she thought she never deserves the cake so  she never received it. That was one example of it. Everything is within your vortex nothing can be taken away from you. If you thing grieve will surround you when a lover is gone . Please be precise why are you grieving ? Is it the love that he/she showered on you is lost ? Then don’t be he/she could only shower the love which you have within your vortex for yourself. What is yours can’t be taken away from you. If you are the charming person you will attract the other charming people in your life may be having the intent in their heart for you. Nobody in life gives you more than you think you deserve. Only thing that might have irritated you about the partner is the thing which needs to be improved upon. You don’t meet people by chance . You meet them either for a reason, season or lifetime. Your lover who path breaks apart are those who meet you for a reason. Reason being to groom your nature. It’s an opportunity to enhance yourself. Bless that person and move on. If they are meant to be there in your life , they will come back . if not, your energies will attract someone better. Whether the interaction was good or bad but it leads to improve yourself so be it . If that person has cheated on you, bless them because how lucky you are because of them you can realize what your current vortex might be attracting.

Rendezvous you are going to have with next partner who comes for a lifetime will not have any fear of you losing them since your focus will be on how we can make a better life. But yes if you keep focusing on I don’t want them to cheat on me , lie to me . You are sending the message to them and universe that builds up only the negative vortex focusing on cheating and lying. If your vortex is filled of such emotions instead of love, you will attract people who will cheat , lie and you will be an loop. After so many encounters you will either lose your worth or lose hope. Both is not required what is required is writing qualities about the person whom you want to attract. Write how you feel  but a word of caution if you think about being dependent on other person , you will attract somebody you will not treat you right because you are looking for comfort others. Affirmations have positive message like “Me and my partner both feel liking coming to home , sharing our life “ .Everything will unravel in its divine timing . Trust the divine timing. I had started this blog way back when I read You Can Heal your Life - Louise L. Hay in June end. I couldn’t find words to describe my feelings on the topic, something would be missing. Strangely when a saw rainbow I was sure something positive is on its way. And this message needs to be passed on the people

HAPPY LOVING YOURSELF  REST EVERYTHING WILL ALWAYS FALL INTO ITS PLACE IN DIVINE TIMING

Energies : Universe works on the vibrations we sent to it

Somebody way back told me that we are energy bodies. The vibrations we sent it to universe is what we get back . Someone said what we seek is seeking us . We are not just the physical bodies we are the energy bodies ,if you are able to talk to somebody your and their energy bodies are at same level. These phrases were spoken to me way back in 2012. May be my mind was immature for such profound information at that time. But destiny had its sweet way to explain this to me. Some people learn it when other explain but I believe me I am one of those who learn it from my own mistakes. I shouldn’t be cribbing about it since I am still on my journey to learn which is must for the growth. The demonstration of this was achieved when I was suffering from strange wisdom toothache that my ear, head and everything on right side was aching , one of my friends gave me the hand of Fatima bracelet. Such was the omen and timing of the bracelet that may be the vibrations I was sending to the universe was of a weak soul that the energies of Fatima of patience was really required. The person who said about the vibrations had also mentioned to me all the stones etc we wear should be worn for specified time. When it has achieve its purpose either the stone will be lost or broken . You don’t have to alarmed about it but rather feel the purpose has been fulfilled . But I didn’t remembered the same line when my bracelet was broken without any purpose. So was my alarmed mind that I had ordered the another Fatima hand immediately but destiny is bigger than what we thought the distributor tried to send the amulet twice even when address was right it wasn’t delivered and  even after dedicated persuasion for 2 weeks we weren’t able to track it.  Finally my money was returned. That was turning point when I went back to my friend to get answers why all this occurred . But before writing an article I dig deep into this theory . It was similar to the fact that if I was vibrating at same frequency of the coffee I would have attracted cup of coffee in my life at that moment. If you are vibrating the energy of the person whom you haven’t met for a long time , you will strangely find that these people will contact you randomly either through an electronic/digital medium or catchup randomly . So the people you meet in your life always come for a reason and when some of the people reasons have been met they leave your life . Instead to get hooked up or attached you should let me go and realize the lesson they have shared with us. A man is only animal who can learn and grow but  require lot of support .You can leave dog and if he is given food he can survive while for the human he requires lot of love ,sometimes his ego needs to be fed.  If that is the case let us utilize your thinking ability to grow each day rather than pondering why me ? Learn to ask the right questions from the universe and universe will help you survive . if you ask whose fault is it ? You will get the answer but even in friendship it is a two-way street and both people are equally involved.Its both people fault and not an individual. You will get that answer even when you ask what is universe trying to teach me ? How to get better from here . Life is a journey and where we are learning each moment . Your attitude will decide how you perceive life . With time you will be sending the positive vibes, vibrations, gut whatever you want to call but whatever energies we send to universe we will get the same in the return not from lips but we feel /think at subconscious level.

Two Right Met at Wrong Time : Meant Being Incompatible

As a previously a relationship coach I come across lot of stories which gives me an opportunity to learn about human behaviour .Stories are the most powerful way to pass on the messages.  I wanted to share this story because this is one of the reasons why people aren’t able to maintain the relationship .This have 2 people Numi ,worldy wise but obsessed about his needs  and Tota who again is worldy wise but have been a phoenix rising from its ashes after every failure. This story started because Numi showed interest in Tota. Numi was handsome guy but he was a philosopher like Rumi missing the understanding of human emotions.  Tota being a gal who was talkative and more of friend in need kinds thought Numi to be the same. Both showed their interests with thought process of long term future but we forgot Numi never had been a long term relationship but more of friend with benefits and not continuing them beyond few months that too with multi-national gals to avoid the question of the marriage . Moment it popped up relationship was doomed for failure.  While our Tota was so different she believed in the relationships for long term but have been cheated on early on. Both has unresolved issues in their life that they forgot to deal with while trying to build the castle of their dreams. Numi could  not be held responsible for anything in his life while Tota had been troubled so much that she used to take everything to her heart and felt responsible for other fault as well. But why ? is the question. How this relationship was doomed to fail from start . The spark of the relationship was gone the moment anxious tota was always looking for reassurance in the relationship while Numi being the avoidance cater was dreading from the same   and he wasn’t able to take the seriousness of the relationship. Being the peaceful temperament and in childhood being ignored for his needs he had adopted the avoidance strategy to deal in the relationships. He had learnt to numb his emotions while Tota has learnt to be vocal about her emotions and could express them easily even when emotions run high. But what she couldn’t take was Numi lying even though she was sure that he is not cheating on tota  by meeting his friend but need to hide arouse because she questioned him. One difficult conversation they both showed their weak side. Only learning I could suggest was to atleast move out of this for the time being . Work on yourself . Change the vibrations you are working on. This anxiety behavior of tota where everytime she looked for care from her guardian they had left her to the world to take care of tota ,she was paranoid if this was because she did  something wrong and she had developed what we term it as anxiety in all her relationship . Were they to be blamed ? I don’t think so . They may be two right individual meeting at the wrong time where they were dealing from fear rather than love . They both are individuals on their journey to discover the pattern they have formed in the relationships and to break free them else this will be repeated again and again in their life even if they get married they would have faced this issue. Path to improve themselves if they learn is the beginning of bringing the right peaceful vibrations in the relationship

Will keep you posted  whether they  changed their  vibrations on path to build a beautiful relationship or either of them progressed in life

We were meant to be

You were the one who taught me the meaning of the friendship

You were the one who taught me the meaning of caring

You were the one who taught me the meaning of sharing

You were the one who taught me the meaning of keeping faith in God

You were the one who taught me the meaning of living the life

You were the one who taught me the meaning of calm in chaos

May be that’s why I like being around you

May be that’s why I find your way in all troubles

May be that’s why I search for you

May be that’s why I belong to you

We were every percent true to the heart

We were every inch growing fonder of each other

We were meant to be

Let’s dance to celebrate womanhood

Today while writing on and for women I am thinking what else to write which hasn’t been written through either “Womanhood redefined in 2014”    and “Black Pearl”.  But suddenly I watched the video of the Aditi rao. Something about the music and the way she dances on the beat she touched me a lot

Among all the madness of the world around me just subsided for those 3 minutes and 24  seconds while  how she handles why talk about the past ?

 The way she describes it is so well that we women dwell too much on past, history, mistakes, regrets and . We keep on  playing the  bygone again and again in our head like movie on loop .

When she says that I have decided to be a product of what is written and talked about. I have the power to  choose to be who I want to be it just hits my mind and soul that I feel like hugging her for being the woman she is. She has put her message that why should anybody ‘s story be written in past when we are still in the process of becoming

I want really to pass this message this on Woman’s day . I want to celebrate this woman’s day by celebrating the womanhood . I want to celebrate the day by celebrating me. This blog just one medium to request all the other women to do so. I feel so light today that  I feel like dancing to the song being played in the background

I always say that relationship we have with the people around us defines but strangely I have forgotten to articulate in any of the earlier blogs that if we have to learn to love ourselves. No bad relationship can define you unless you let define you. I want to say today like before selecting the chair we go through the process of  picking and choosing it why can’t we be selfish enough for the people who enter our inner circle. Weak people will keep on giving you logic about why your chosen path is not right but you have to learn to move past them.  You will might meet some coward who don’t have the courage to speak their mind or even truth . You will meet some worthless girls who might want to snatch your men. But trust me if he was yours you don’t have to fight for him . He wasn’t yours end of story . If he was yours you would be spending the time on the shores of the sea still not able to hear any of voice apart from the heartbeart of you both. Also some of those worthless immature girls  might be married and still not satisfied in their marriage. But girl was meant to be like that. Why bother? Look your life is not dependent on those people because trust me best revenge you can take with both such characters is let them be together and without your presence they will look for another drama in their lives. Learn to walk away. Relationships happen when you both have desire to stick together through thick and thins. If they had to be together either of them will not look outside their own relationship.

Your journey is dependent on people who will love you unconditionally. Was Alia bothered about kunal in Dear Zindagi ? She learnt even for her career she never needed him. Trust the Almighty he has written a beautiful story for you.  Alia surrounded herself with people who could see her inner beauty. Remember these some mean people are helping you define the black pearl of yours .Full Stop. You are in the process of making not many people can be strong enough to take life head on.

Learn to love yourself . Give yourself respect. People will be bad and mean,  you have to be polite and smart enough to learn to give yourself the dignity of being the woman. You can’t expect strength from weak people . You have to be the woman who knows that she is in the process of defining her destiny. Women who gives  love, care and respect freely. Alia was surrounded by right people when she resolved her inner conflicts . This woman day promise to resolve your own inner conflict and move further in life. When pain inflicted upon yourself by the society or your thought process you  have to learn to move further after learning the lesson.  

At the end I will only say let’s dance to celebrate womanhood and ourselves

Woman let yourself be  submerged  in the dance of your own inner beauty

Woman let yourself be guided by the your smile of shine

Woman let yourself be one who is saluted for her demeanour

Woman let yourself be one who is ray of hope to mankind

Woman let yourself be one who is respected for intelligence

Woman let yourself be one who is brilliance can’t be robed

Woman let yourself be one who is walks her talk

Woman let yourself be one who is caring yet not fragile

Woman let yourself be one who is trusting yet not naive

Woman let yourself be one who is source of inspiration for generation to come

Darwin’s Delay – Unprecedented wait

When I first heard about the Darwin’s Delay theory I couldn’t believe my eyes when reading the article Darwin’s Delay and the guy who gave the theory of the survival of the fittest had the fear. It was mentioned that he couldn’t publish his theory until situation called for it for 20 years.  He had the fear was released through the dream analysis in which ‘a person was hung & came to life’ as not about a third person, as Darwin recorded in his notebook, but actually, in a Freudian sense, about Darwin himself because of his ‘fear of dire punishment for thinking’ by Geuter. Somehow this fact was hided from common people for long time  saying he was patient data collector. But whatever has been said I Still believe  if Charles hadn’t gone the fear himself how would we have the fear has a biological basis, when he noted that nearly all animals exhibit fear in the same manner. How the Fear conditioning happens. If you don’t agree fear of unknown and how people will behave on his theory. I felt  like saying this to him“Duniya to kehti hai, kehti reh jaayegiKhud jo na samjhegi, tumko samjhayegi”

World would have known the what we know today if he had been brave enough  If somebody has understand how people react to unknown we can understand it through the short story of “The Dancing Fool” of Zog –A flying saucer creature named Zog arrived on Earth to explain how wars could be prevented and how cancer could be cured. He brought the information from Margo, a planet where the natives conversed by means of farts and tap dancing.Zog landed at night in Connectitut. He had no sooner touched down than he saw a house on fire. He rushed into the house, farting and tap dancing, warning the people about the terrible danger they were in. The head of the house brained Zog with a golf club. But does that mean that we should leave something because we are fearful of the what our peers will say. If this was the case we might not had the famous theories given by Charles himself. He wouldn’t have been who he was so sometimes we might have the fear of vast opposition especially in our environment be it office, home when we stand for what we believe in and against the set society’s norm. So, do you want to miss the chance of being the next Charles ‘s . But I will profess anybody to enter the land of unknowns without much calculated risks like climbing of the mountains. Let’s assume we want to part of the herd even though we have the capability to do that. I know fear can weakens and paralyzes us but if we had a to die , do you want to die with a heavy heart that you could have achieved more but couldn’t do so. It will be too late, whenever you are in doubt what to do  just remember if this is the last day of your life how will you react ? Do you want to be remembered as person who did what was right for him . It’s not only for the work we do, this is for the relationship this Gen- Z is going through as well. For instant gratification half of the people are in relationships, marriage in which they don’t understand the emotionally and mental space the other person is in. I am not saying them to wait but if you don’t try chairs you will not be sure which one to buy but don’t choose the chair which doesn’t fight your personality to be part of liking the popular . Strangely they have constipation even when they love somebody they can’t express it easilyFor relationships I believe in one fundaRishto woh rishta hai jisme bandhan na hoDil mein tammana ho warna dhadkan na ho This in simple language just means that we might have some fears of being left alone but trust me the best relationships are those which are based on the heart but there is no restriction. You connect because you both want not because it’s age, it’s your parent want or somebody else is getting married etc or any lame excuse . Moment we learn to do what we want to do with full heart we will not be worried about society , people around us be it daily life hassles . This society as mentioned earlier will keep on saying and teaching you things even which they can’t follow. Learn to love yourself and stop procrastination since world is waiting for the another Darwin theory not the Darwin’s Delay 

Blind Herd Behaviour & Standing Alone

Strangely we live in the society where herd behaviour is being forced upon us. Before moving further let me explain you why Herd behaviour describes how individuals in a group can act collectively without centralized direction. The term can refer to the behaviour of animals in herds, packs, bird flocks, fish schools and so on,. We are even scared to be different from our pack since we will not be entertained so much by other pack. sometimes its important to maintain the herd behaviour since we want the decorum in the society to be maintained. Some basic essence needs to be there in the society for remaining free from crime and basic things to progress in right manner. But somewhere we have lost the individuality. We have stopped speaking our minds to confirm to the herd behaviour. Do we know our choices ? Let me think we study either of 1) Doctor 2) Law 3) Engineering. For higher studies either it can be law. Rest if kids don't follow this category they will be called useless even if they have potential to be multi millionaire but somebody rightly said intellectuals can never be understood by common people but they will have their own insecurities to bring you down. During the group forming stages you will also understand that during 5 stages of group formation of Forming, ,Storming, Norming , Performing and Adjourning. People who don't follow the norm of the group are left alone and can't go further in the performing stage. So its just an innate need of the people to form the herd and those who are not they will try to align them by name saying or ignoring such people to weaken them by their mind. But do people who have an opinion of their own would be bothered by such behaviour. If yes, then they will part of herd. And there are instances where Herd have become the mob and shown the episodes of the humans in demonstrations, riots and general strikes. The concept of the mob was first identified by French psychologists Gabriel Tarde and Gustave Le Bon. There have been instances where crowd which has  gather on behalf of a grievance can involve herding behavior that turns violent, particularly when confronted by an opposing ethnic or racial group. The Los Angeles riots of 1992, New York Draft Riots are some of the Mob behaviour infamous in US. Gujarat riots in 1969, 2002 are some of the examples of the same. So, if I have to describe whether herd behaviour is good or not. I will always say it will be nice if the mob behaviour will align with the righteous path. If its not the righteous path , please become the leader  and have strength in the vocal cord to put forward your point. Because somewhere today only I read to avoid unnecessary emotional drama in your life when you will be fighting against the herd mind-set be prepared to Become BAD once if staying GOOD always is not helping you. When I said bad , I meant people will start calling you bad for even the righteous behaviour.

So be part of herd till you are on righteous path for your financial, physical and emotional well being else enjoy the journey where you be name called as BAD by the mob :-P